Savvy Ladies Community

Money Talk for Couples

Recently I was interviewed for a story in the New York Times that focused on “money talk” for couples.  I received so much great feedback on the story that I felt compelled to address it here.

The article opens up by saying…”One of the most difficult conversations a couple can have is not about love or commitment. It is about money — how it is saved and invested and what it means for their lifestyle.”

 

Do you agree? 

I do.  Why?  I hear it practically every time I give a talk to women and open it up for Q&As.  The questions usually sound something like this:  How do I start a conversation with my husband about money?  How do I ask my partner to see our finances without having him feel like I don’t trust him?  How do we have a conversation without fighting?

Three words here…. communicate, communicate, communicate. Sounds simple, right?  But as we all know “communicate” is not always simple – especially when it comes to money. You’d be surprised (or perhaps you wouldn’t be) by how many people don’t know how much their spouse is making.  Generally, the problem is due to the highly emotional feelings (self worth, self esteem, power, control etc) and unresolved issues with money each partner brings to the table.

So sit back and have a think.  What does money mean to you?  How does your upbringing and past experiences affect your money attitudes?  What stops you from having these conversations – fear? interest? knowledge? lack of ownership? bigger relationship problems?

Having these initial conversations may not be easy but if you don’t have them you have a high chance of becoming part of the “if only” club.  You may not know what the “if only” club is, but I am sure you know someone (dare I say more than one) who is a member.  Do you have any friends, neighbors or family who were not involved in managing their finances only to find out in times of crisis that their husband was an overly aggressive investor, or he was loaned up to the hilt, or not saving for retirement, or not protecting the family from death or disability and so on and so on.  What do you think are the first words out of these women’s mouths?  Yep, you guessed it …if only I knew he was (fill in the blank), I would have (fill in the blank.) These scenarios break my heart, because they often result in unfortunate outcomes that could have been avoided or at least mitigated, if they were only talked about. 

Therefore, the question I have for you today is this:  Will you be willing to bear some discomfort today to learn whether or not your future is on a path that will give you the greatest probability of success?   As the saying goes…”just do it”

 

Susan Hirshman, CFA, CPA, CFP,

SHE Ltd

http://www.facebook.com/MyFatAssets

www.myfatassets.com

Do Money Books For Women Hurt Women?

By Manisha Thakor

 

What do you think...

• Do personal finance books written by women for women perpetuate the myth that women are bad with money?
• Why is there a "money management for women" section but no "money management for men" section at Amazon and other booksellers?
• What's up with all the diet analogies in these books - could they be any more demeaning?

A recent Slate article entitled "The Shopaholic Myth" and follow up piece at GetRichSlowly called "Women and Money: Slaying Stereotypes and Facing Reality" raised these very important questions. As a 40-something woman who co-authored two personal finance books for women, those questions hit me smack in the gut. These well-written articles (by two journalists I very much admire) forced me to think long and hard about whether my focus on financial literacy for women... was actually hurting women.

My conclusion: With the exception of age-based asset allocation guidelines (where I feel women should invest their retirement funds slightly more aggressively than men to prepare for statistically longer life spans), I'd argue that the fundamentals of personal finance 101 are identical for women and men. The reluctance of some younger women (notably in their 20s and 30s) to read female-oriented finance books is in a sense a victory for the equality movement. So here are the reasons why I still support personal finance books by women for women (if you prefer video, you can watch me discussing this topic on ABC News Now by clicking here.)

1. Women are not worse than men with money. Poor personal finance skills are rampant across gender lines. Why? The financial landscape has increased geometrically in its complexity over the past 20 years while financial education has not kept up. We all can use help.
2. But modern life still has a tendency to spit in women's eyes as their career paths progress. The twin combinations of what economists call "occupational segregation" (the tendency of women to voluntarily choose to work in less remunerative fields) combined with the time commitments of child rearing and elder care (which lead to women spending an average of 11 more years than men out of the paid workforce) mean learning financial basics are all the more essential for women. It also means we need more dialogue on these areas of inequality...
3. The default language of finance is still male. As Nicholas Kristoff pointed out... our financial system might be in a very different (and better) place had it been Lehman Sisters instead of Lehman Brothers. As someone who worked in the financial services world for 15 years, I'd argue the reason there is no "money management for men" section at Amazon is that "male" is still the default speak of the industry. Personally, I'm not interested in talking about my personal finances through the lens of football or golf metaphors nor do I want to socialize over cigars and scotch (well, I'd drink the scotch...). Thanks to pioneers ranging from Women & Co. and Directions for Women to DailyWorth and LearnVest - there are more organizations focusing on the way in which women enjoy learning and digesting the very same personal finance information as men. As for the prevalence of dieting analogies - personally I just think that's smart. The equation for financial and physical health is identical (inflows vs. outflows). We all eat, we all spend money... so why not compare the two? As Occam's Razor suggests, when faced with choice the simpler the path the better the outcome. 

 

How do you feel about personal finance books written by women for women?

[This post originally appeared at ManishaThakor.com.] Want more financial love? You can follow Women's Financial Literacy Initiative founder, Manisha Thakor, on Twitter at @ManishaThakor, sign up to get her email updates delivered right to your inbox here, and enroll in her innovative new online personal finance course called “Money Rules.”  

Ladies, Should You Ask For It?

by Manisha Thakor

 

 

Quick - what was the first thing that came to your mind when you read the title of this post?

 

What about "Gentleman, should you ask for it?" Would this change your response? For many people the female-oriented title raises sexual connotations while the male-oriented iteration conjures thoughts of money and power. 

 

For the record, in both cases I am talking about asking for raises at work. This is a subject that has long made my stomach churn.  As a natural people-pleaser-and-avoider-of-conflict, I've preferred to work hard and hope my results will speak loudly for themselves. Turns out I'm not alone in this.

 

Recently I talked with Carnegie Mellon Professor Linda Babcock, coauthor of "Women Don't Ask" and "Ask For It," two fantastic books on why and how working women should negotiate salaries.  (Professor Babcock is also very involved with motivating young girls. Thanks to her, the Girl Scouts now have a badge for negotiation skills).  Here are two of the many eye-popping statistics from Professor Babcock's work:

 

·         Avoiding negotiating your first salary can cost you $500,000 by age 60 (oh, and men negotiate their first salaries 4x more often than women).

·         Women who consistently negotiate their salaries throughout their careers typically earn $1 million more in lifetime career earnings than women who don't.

 

So what motivates negotiators? Locus of control. Professor Babcock observes that people who negotiate tend to have a worldview that is more "optimistic than fatalistic, malleable versus fixed." Psychologists have noted that men consistently - across countries - have a higher propensity to see "the world as their oyster" than women.  Ergo, more men negotiate than women.

 

Alas, her research also shows that, "Men can behave anyway they want when they negotiate, but people have a strong preference for how women negotiate. Direct and aggressive doesn't work." For women a "more cooperative and relationship oriented" approach tends to be more effective.  When women adopt a bold can-do attitude they are often met with a "visceral reaction to strong women" and perceived as being not nice. Clearly, for women to achieve lasting pay parity, this has to change... but that's a whole 'nother topic.

 

Let's get back to how this discussion can improve your life now.

 

This gut-wrenching economic environment may not seem the obvious one in which to rock the boat. But it's also an environment when employers can't afford to lose their best people. An innovative new website called GetRaised.com can help you make the most of your current situation.  With a few mouse clicks it will tell you if you are underpaid and for an additional $20 it will prepare a custom raise request that you can use to negotiate.  If you don't get a raise in 6 months you'll get your $20 back.  The company currently pegs the average raise received by users at $3,078. Not a bad return on $20.

 

What about you?  Have you ever asked for a raise and if so, how did it go?

 

 

Want more financial love? You can follow Manisha on Twitter at @ManishaThakor, sign up to get her email updates delivered right to your inbox here, and enroll in her innovative new online personal finance course called “Money Rules.”  Founder of the Women’s Financial Literacy Initiative, Manisha can be reached via her website: http://www.ManishaThakor.com.